Two sets of TWINS!

I have always said that God was preparing me very early in life for having my own twins. At the age of 19 I became a nanny for my first set of twins John and Rachel. They were three months old when I started watching them. I think they are turning 14 or 15 this October yea I know it is nuts. I never missed a beat. I never thought it was too much and I was never scared or stressed out with what I did everyday. I quickly fell in love with those children including their brother Zack who is in college now. I learned so much about how to be a mom from the Pinit's they are amazing people. We loved them so much that we followed them to Buffalo right after we got married. My second and third set of twins I was a nanny for were from Buffalo, one set of twins were about 9 months when I started working for them and the other one was about 2 years old. Back then I was in my 20's had a ton of energy, no kids of my own, newly married and 2000 miles away from home. It is weird to look back now and see that, that is exactly where I needed to be when I needed to be there. I took them grocery shopping, to dance class, to the library, swimming and I was blessed to do life with these families. While most of my friends were in college or becoming moms themselves God was preparing me to be a mom and I had no idea. I really had no idea what the heck his plan was when month after month after month and year after year I did not get pregnant. But like everything in life God is preparing us and growing us for something so much bigger than we can ever imagine and for me that was becoming a mother myself to twins. And girls for that matter. I never remember wanting twins I just always wanted babies. For many years I had decided God didn't want me to be a momma he just needed me to help take care of other peoples babies. I cried many tears over this fact and loathed going to baby showers because I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never have these opportunities. Going to the hospital after a friend had a baby was always especially hard. Lots of why God's came out of my mouth during those years. But then my attitude changed one year in a boat in the Bahamas while on a missions trip. We got the amazing opportunity to help rebuild a house for a family that literally their children crawled around on dirt floors. They had no running water and hurricanes had almost wiped them out. I almost didn't go on this trip because I thought we could use the money for infertility treatment. But after much encouragement from Cliff and my friends I went and it was life changing. God showed me on that trip that their are so many kids that just need love and it didn't matter if I personally gave birth to them or not a baby is a baby or a child is a child and they all need love just the same. So I went home on mission to love the kids that God has placed in my life and stopped feeling sorry for myself. I can truly say that God had healed my heart in the middle of the ocean from a pain I felt every month for many many years. We promptly became foster parents and got our Zacky. WOW we are so blessed. Infertility treatment was never an option for us. I never felt God calling me to do that and we didn't have the money. But shortly after we moved to Vegas we found ourselves in a tragic situation loosing my dad to suicide. I am his only child and after dealing with his estate we were left, to us, what was a significant amount of money. My best friend at the time was going through a round of IVF and for the first time ever I decided maybe we could look into that. Ultimately we decided that there was nothing in the world that my dad would rather us do with his money then to use it to have kids. So that is how we ended up doing IVF. There are not too many days that go by that I don't thank my dad for my girls. They are his blessing to us. In my morbid mind sometimes I wish so hard for my dad to be here so he could experience how wonderful these children are but then I remember if he were here the girls would not, our loss was also our gain. All that and you are wondering why the HELL did she title this post Two sets of TWINS. Well mainly because I got off on a tangent and had not planed on writing any of that, but for those of you who don't know us that well I felt like you needed back story and for those of you that do know us I felt you needed a reminder:) Anyways we have this one little embryo left. And there has been talk of what if it splits and you have another set of twins. Well I did a little research today and found out that identical twins split within two days typically and since our embryo is already at day five this is highly highly unlikely. All that twin talk at the beginning was me just telling you that if we did have another set of twins we would deal with it and walk that journey but the reality is I REALLY want a normal pregnancy. I really want to try and have a natural birth. I REALLY don't want to experience bed rest or holding my crotch from 6 months on and barely being able to walk. I want to experience labor like normal people. I want everyone to come to the hospital and hold a baby that is full term and not have to do the NICU thing. So all that to say if we have twins again ok God you are funny we will go with it but I really just want one. Thanks for sharing this journey with us. We are in a holding pattern. Just waiting for Dr appointments and doing injections everyday. Keep praying for us his will be done.

Well day four of our shots and things are going well. The first two nights were a breeze but last night hurt pretty bad I am pretty sure he hit a vein or something it bruised right away. Then tonight I could barely feel it. Zack was excited because we let him watch. He thought it was the coolest thing ever why I don't know. Cliff is a super star he just gives them like it's his job. I guess I would rather get them then have to give them. It is hard to tell if I am having side affects or if it's just life. I had a horrible hot flash after being outside at the park today. Which if you know me very well at all you know that being hot does not ever bug me but today I thought I was gonna die. Oh and did I mention that it wasn't even super hot out today. I am super tired the last two days. I am trying not drink much caffeine so I am guessing that the tiredness is more from that than it is the meds. My goal this week for us is to not eat out. We have several trips to Dallas coming up and we need to save our money for traveling. I spent some good time on the computer meal planning this weekend and coming up with some recipes. Last nights was not much of a hit but tonight was baked burritos and everyone loved them. I also am only working half days now which is just making our lives so unbelievably better. We have gone to the park for play dates. Zack is now getting to do Karate with some other kiddo's that are home-schooled as well. And this Friday we are having some new friends over to swim. I can't remember the last time we had a play date at our house. I am not sure who is more excited me or the kids. Ok I am because I have not told them. Zack is moving right along in school. He is freaking AMAZING in math. He just gets math in a way that I don't even get. I am pretty sure this is just his strong point in life and not because of my mad teaching skills. Maddie and Ellie are doing great in school as well. They are learning their letters and are obsessed with the letters in their name. I can't tell you how many times I have to write their names a day. We are all working on continent work and when I say we I mean me too. I am not the most knowledgeable when it comes to geography so I learning right along side of them. Just figured I would give you all a family update while we wait around for this whole baby thing to get more exciting:)

Where we go from here!

We had the hysteroscopy this morning and it wasn't too bad. Basically they put a camera into my uterus and check for any abnormalities. I have a few small polyps so we go back on the 20th for a minor surgery to remove the polyps. Most of the time the polyps are benign but sometimes they can be cancerous so they have them tested. If we don't remove them than we run the risk of having a miscarriage. It is a day surgery in and out in about an hour and a half. The good thing is this does not interfere at all with transfer day. Tonight we started our injections and of course Cliff was a super star and did a great job and I was super brave and didn't have to give myself frost bite by freezing my skin first. (This is what I did the last time and my butt still has scares from frost bite. ) So what does all this mean we have two weeks of this new medication called Lupron. We will do this for a few days and then I will stop taking birth control. At my next appointment (on the 20th) they will measure the lining in my uterus. If the lining is an 8 then I will start the next medicine and then I will start progesterone. We will have another appointment on the 1st to check the lining again and if it is where it should be then we will schedule the transfer which will happen around the 11th of October.

 

These are the meds I will be taking this time around. 

 

These are the meds from the first time around. As you can see there are not as many but still a good amount. Wish us luck!

Moving forward

 I am sure you are all wondering where we stand on our little emby adventure. Ok maybe your not but we are finally moving forward. As of last week our emby has moved from its home in Reno, Nevada to Bedford, TX. I have received my holy crap box of medication. Although it's not nearly as much as the last time but it is still holy crap sized:) We have paid the money and for inquiring minds who are curious about the cost of this it is significantly cheaper this go around. By the time it's all said and done it will be about 4,000 dollars. Not cheap for sure but doable. We will leave Thursday the 5th and head to Bedford for our first real appointment with the Dr on the Friday the 6th. Several things will happen at this appointment. I will be put under for a hystoscopy. This is where they will look for any abnormalities in my Uterus. She will do a mock transfer. This will ensure the measurement of my Uterus so that they day of the actual transfer they will know where to place the emby. They will also probably do blood work and they will remind Cliff how to give me infections. From this point on we will be working on thickening my uterine wall and basically faking my body into believing it is pregnant. Please continue to pray for us and ask any questions you may have. 

Welcome to Our Journey

When Cliff and I met many moons ago during our very first conversation together, we discussed how many children we each wanted; it was meant to be when we both said "five." Maybe it was the late night talking, but we both wanted a big family. After many years of trying to have babies with no success, we found ourselves becoming foster parents and then adopting a beautiful little boy with blue eyes and blond hair; we were on our way to growing our family. Then a few years later I found myself driving to Vegas with my father in law for one of my first appointments for a round of IVF. Cliff was working that day in Amarillo. After a lot of Dr. appointments, shots, and other meds, our baby girls were born 6 weeks early in a hospital in Ft. Worth. Now we are a family of five and have an embryo that has been calling my name for months. So welcome to our journey as we shoot for baby number four. I don't know where this is taking us or if it will work, but God gave us that little embryo and I am trusting him for the outcome. This is a place for me to tell you my thoughts as well as keep everyone informed of what we are doing and all the steps to get us to baby transfer day. I kept a blog with our round of IVF, and it is so cool to go back and read our stories. Please feel free to leave your comments and questions. It is a very exciting time in our family. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we trust God for our next little one.